Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.  

"Really, ..." says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind".


A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time...



I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.  As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.  I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!


My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!!  Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.


I was at the ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could help check her balance, so I pushed her, but she fell over.


I was driving this morning when I saw an RACQ van parked up.  The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'